I guess, age is also catching up with me.. well not saying i am very old.. but i can start to feel lethargic as the days add on.
Remember the last entry i wrote? about finding a job and going to study? yeah i am really determined... i think in order for me to move on i really need to push myself harder to achieve what i set for my life.. as the chinese saying goes "suffer first and enjoy later". I have been working very hard since the day i started out... work starts immediately after i ORD from army..
been having late nights and brain frying stress since then.
I had a few holidays and break here and there though, hoping that i can catch up with my sleep but somethings i just cant get over it would be wasting the day staying at home doing practically nothing... really... that is when i will add on to my tiredness... force myself to go out and spend time with my friends no matter how tired i am.. what to do? when i only have 1 day in a week to practically have to squeeze everything into my already packed schedule... worse thing to happen would be me sleeping and still think about work.
My many friends do give me comments like, 'ben u look older/tired' 'ben is busy' but what can i say... i will always reply with a smile...
Recently, i have also been thinking alot about myself, my life etc... what have i achieved so far working at my current company? to be frank, sometimes i also find it hard to list them down too.. probably i have been jack of all trades and master of non... i really need to be focus and set a goal and be objective about it...
Finally it is Saturday... to many it is a full day where they can run their own errands and to clear it up so that they can have a nice Sunday to spend time with their family... As for me... i still have to work... i need to rush some project prep for some organizer.. all these are last minute request.. ended up it is another full day at work for a nice Saturday wasted... how i long yearn for a alternate Saturday or a NO Saturday work week... sighz... started work at 9am and suppose to end work at 3pm... ended up finished at 6pm... so sian.. guess i have to reschedule all my appt AGAIN so as to accomodate to the ppl in my life...
i am suppose to spend my Saturday in a well organised manner, to go shop around immediately after my work.. spend some quiet time.... before meeting F & J for steamboat dinner buffet at Holland V, but never did i expect my work to drag so long till 6pm... there goes my quiet shopping moment... ended up so rush that i reached the restaurant only at 630pm... it is all the rushing that gets onto my nerves.. ARGH!!!
After the dinner, F,J and I decided to go and find a nice cosy place to sit down and talk on some serious matter... we drove from Holland V to Vivo to Harbourfront, and we ended up hanging out at Changi Airport thinking that that place should be very quiet since everybody is in town...BUT! we were all wrong... Changi Airport is alomost packed with family and their screaming kids running around the Arrival and Departure halls.. took us quite a while before we settled down at T2 coffeebean, i ordered a ginseng peppermint tea... as i am falling sick and feeling abit nasal.. decided to go with something hot to soothe my throat and clear my windpipe...
our chatting session started off by us sharing our week, like what interesting happened and so on and so forth... we even talked about love life on when are we settling down etc.. then it just happened! the conversation just fits in nicely to talk about my work... and stress ... my tiredness etc.. hah.. kinda sick of how the whole chatting session can end up talking about work.
well, F is more experience in the work force... so i am very glad to know him as a personal friend.. he has been very good to us.. me and J who are still below 30s and still have many opportunities ahead of us.. F shared his experiences and how he is so determined to achieve what he wants ... he forcefully highlighted that no matter what circumstances, we should set a goal and be objective about it... must always plan well ahead in life and not let it go to waste...
we can be much more optimistic about our plans... not necessary do a long term goal if you are unclear... and we should set a short term goal and achieve them before setting our long term... and by the time you look back, there is always a sense of satisfaction for all that you have achieved... this method is a very good way for confused and lost ppl like us... to set a direction and achieve it... i must admit, i have not been doing that for a long time... it came to realise suddenly that i will ask myself this. "Ben, what is it that you want?, what you want to achieve in life? and what have you done that is worth looking back?" again i cant answer them truthfully... i am lost in my mess of thoughts.
F, got a little more serious this time and he said," Ben, if you cant do long term... try to set shorter term goals... they come handy when you are still unsure of what you want, but it is always the case that you must make yourself take the first step and be determined about it!", he added," even a daily goal like to hit the gym, or to go watch a movie is also a good objective driven goal""once, you can acheive that, all else will fall nicely in place"
afterwhich, he gave me a few pointer and i have set a few scopes to look at it..
- to lose weight and hit 70kg before chinese new year.
- to go and study and get a degree
- to seek higher grounds
we ended at about 130am, on a good note overall, I had a very good Saturday spent with my BFF... F & J.
Mood: satisfied
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